I sold my soul signed up for a Twitter account this morning. I have resisted the beast until now. I wanted to have a look at the phenomenon that is #queryfail. A handful of literary agents, editors, and other industry “insiders” have been sharing reasons why query letters get rejected. The query mistakes range from bizarre to simply ignorant (both equally unacceptable). #QueryFail Day on Twitter is the creation of Colleen Lindsay. This is what she has to say about #queryfail;
Today is #Queryfail Day on Twitter, the first of what will probably become a monthly or semi-monthly experience. What is #Queryfail Day, you ask? * rubs hands together gleefully * A group of online agents, book editors and periodicals acquisition editors are posting about their queries in real time. The idea is to educate people about what exactly it is in a query that made us stop reading and say “Not for me.” We’re being very careful not to include personal identifiers of any kind. The idea isn’t to mock or be intentionally cruel, but to educate.
Here is a sampling for your reading pain/pleasure;
ChristianPubTip: It’s a handwritten manuscript with a note that says this is the only copy they have.#queryfail
danielliterary: Asks me how to go about submitting? Uh. If u have my email address, then u obviously
have my web site address with my guidelines #queryfail
danielliterary: Say you don’t know how to paste the first five pages of your manuscript into your email?
Please get your 3-year-old to teach you. #queryfail
angelajames: ONE sentence about the book. I don’t need to know your life history. I need to know about
the book. #queryfail
angelajames: “passion raging between two characters will burn right off the page” makes me think your
book is going to be overwritten #queryfail
Colleen_Lindsay: A headshot embedded into body of query email. #queryfail
Colleen_Lindsay: @bookavore I just delete all queries that come in addressed to Dear Sir, To Whom It
May Concern or Dear Agent. #queryfail
danielliterary: Call yourself a “published author” when what you really mean is “self-published”?
bostonbookgirl: Including a creepy photo of you clearly taken about 20 years ago? You have just taken
your first step on the road to #queryfail
Colleen_Lindsay: Three paragraphs, no plot, no hook, and lots of “me, me, me, look how wonderful I
am!” – #queryfail.
mattwagner: “My proposal is a work in progress.” Sorry, please finish your proposal before querying,
danielliterary: Addresses me “Dear Sir/Madam…”? #queryfail
I deliberately excluded the #queryfails for the BDSM photo included with the letter, the mothers who want to educate their daughters about pimps, and the con-men who are finally ready to tell their stories. Self-explanatory.
I couldn’t help but wonder if this is what is done in public, what the hell goes on in private? But then, it’s private and I don’t have to know. I also wondered if these agents, who took time out of a busy day to skewer the hapless writer, ever took the time to contact the writer and tell them, in private and in a professional way, just what it was that made the query fail. Feel me?
I feel you. Rejection is important. It’s more important than succeeding, because succeeding doesn’t really teach you anything. You already knew how to do it in the first place. I can see where there would be concern over the feelings of some poor hapless writer venturing into the mysterious world of Getting Published. That said, not every writer (ahem) follows Twitter, so the personal contact offering constructive criticisms (to the honest mistakes, not the con-men and crazies) would be useful. I would venture to guess though, that not every literary agent has the time to write a personalized assessment of my crappy query letter. They have more bad query letters to read you know.
As a whole I think we have become too sensitive to rejection and failure. No, I don’t like failure. I’m not a complete idiot. But, I learn from my mistakes and hopefully refrain from making them again. No, I don’t want to be another hilarious #queryfail tweet, but I do want to know how NOT to write a query letter, so I learn from the mistakes of others. It seems that this would be common sense to most, but common sense seems to be about as common as horse-drawn buggies these days (see: Pimps for Dummies #queryfail).
Still, some are up in arms about the snarkiness that can come along with some of the fails, but honestly, they seem to deserve it. Besides, telling an agent or an editor that they’re doing it wrong would be like telling God she built the universe wrong, and that, I suspect, would land you in the #queryfail pile.